Me and Hope

I have been feeling quite blah recently. You know that blah feeling? It sneaks up on me and before I know it... blah.

After much soul searching I have pinned it down. Maybe. I think its to do with my struggle with hope.

 Yep HOPE.

That little word that is really so big. Its a word that means a lot to me. We have been on quite a journey together, me and hope. Sometimes it seems it feels like a stranger and sometimes I feel so engulfed, like its giving me a big hug. Its a very important but very ambiguous relationship! 

But the last few days we have been getting back on good terms. And I think the secret of this success is me not asking too much.  This isn't some pessimistic rant honestly!! But I find it really hard to hope for things that are long term. Its too big, too much, too overwhelming, and probably a little too scary! I have become wobbly. For a while I have felt so hopeless. A hard place to be. Its so important to have hope isn't it.  So vital for the soul. Its been a big issue and I have been so lost with absolutely no idea of where to look and what to hope for. 

 But lately I have been trying to just have hope for the day. To live in the moment. And that seems to suit mel. I know well that we have no idea what tomorrow brings and I struggle to plan ahead anyway for fear of it leading to heartbreak. So I am breaking things down into day sized chunks. I can handle that. And you know what...? I am really enjoying it! I wake up each morning and hope and I have a little chat with each other. We work out what is fair and then wait together to see which way the day will go. Hope holds my shaking hand. 

And guess what... each of these days have blessed me more than hope and I ever expected them to! I had not hoped for beautiful lilies from a friend or fresh strawberries from a grandma but... they came to me!

I think that by breaking things down and just focusing my attention on the day in hand I absorb it all the more, I appreciate all those blessings and treasure them in that moment. I banish the worry of tomorrow and live in today. And then at the end of the day, I tuck myself up in bed and smile over all the treats the day has held. Sure the days may also hold some difficulties and obstacles to overcome but its the treats I am thinking of and hope and I smile. Its good to be back together. Me and Hope. BFF.

And you know what? Its such a refreshing relief!!